Research Discussion: DIMENSIONAL PORTAL INCURSION AT THE LHC!

DIMENSIONAL PORTAL INCURSION AT THE LHC!
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Eric Gisin
2010-04-01 11:19:47 EST
http://www.theregister.co.uk/2010/04/01/lhc_fifth_dimension_incursion/

DIMENSIONAL PORTAL INCURSION AT THE LHC!
Elite troops confront 'response' to 7 TeV collisions

By Lewis Page
Posted in Physics, 1st April 2010 08:47 GMT

In shock news, it has emerged that recent record-breaking increases in particle ring energy
achieved at the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) - the most powerful atomsmasher ever assembled by the
human race - have caused a hyperdimensional portal leading to an inhabited parallel universe to
open up deep beneath Switzerland, in what may be the opening move of a cross-continuum invasion
campaign.

A secret international task force of special-forces troops is said to be assembling at the Collider
to deal with a 'response' from the fifth dimension to a hyperdimensional energy discharge emitted
from the LHC.

[diagram]
Imagery of the initial supersymmetry event passed to us by online enthusiasts.

The opening of the dimensional gateway is being kept subject to a governmental news blackout to
avoid a global panic. However, keen amateur LHC-watching enthusiasts, familiar with the many
internal websites used to run and monitor the mighty Collider, stumbled across imagery last night
confirming that a "supersymmetric" event had taken place following a particle collision inside the
huge, subterranean ATLAS instrument cavern.

Supersymmetry, in layman's terms, is a phenomenon called for by a theory in physics
(http://www.sukidog.com/jpierre/strings/extradim.htm) which states that there are actually ten
dimensions rather than the humdrum four of the space-time we can normally perceive. This has now
been proven to be correct.
According to the data accompanying the picture, one of the unprecedentedly powerful 7
tera-electron-volt (TeV) collisions which began at the LHC just two days ago
(http://www.theregister.co.uk/2010/03/30/7_tev_at_lhc/) generated a pair of supersymmetric
particles which then broke down via muon decay. This caused a small 283 giga-electron-volt energy
discharge to be emitted transversely out of our four-dimensional spacetime and into the fifth
dimension.

So much had long been expected by physicists. Sergio Bertolucci, Director for Research and
Scientific Computing at CERN, told the Reg last year
(http://www.theregister.co.uk/2009/11/06/lhc_dimensional_portals/) that he anticipated the opening
of hyperdimensional "doors" during high-energy LHC collisions.

"Out of this door might come something, or we might send something through it," said the physicist,
on that occasion.

Bertolucci expected that such doors would be sub-subatomic in size, and only exist for ultra-tiny
instants of time - 10-26 seconds - in line with the data passed to us by the LHC-watchers.

Excited by the supersymmetry tipoff, we here on the Reg hyperboffinry desk contacted a high-level
insider source at CERN in Switzerland regarding the event - and found we didn't know the half of
it.

Blue glowing ball 'must be a response' from the FIFTH DIMENSION

According to our contact, approximately 3 and a half minutes after the tiny and incredibly brief
supersymmetry event in the ATLAS instrument, a much larger and apparently stable transdimensional
"door" flowered into existence within the ATLAS cavern, suspended mid-air slightly to one side of
the Collider's magnets and the ATLAS itself. The portal, described initially as a "glowing, bluish,
spherical object about 2 metres in diameter", was spotted on CCTV by ATLAS boffins - no personnel
are allowed in the cavern during beam operations for radiation safety reasons.

"There's no way that the LHC could have generated such a large 'door', or sustained it so long,"
our source wrote in a hasty email early this morning.

"There's no technology we know of that could do that, and even if there was the entire human race
doesn't have access to enough energy to power it."

"We think it must be a response to the supersymmetric energy discharge from our side," he added,
enigmatically.

We followed up with more questions, but haven't received any further response as of publication.
Enquiries through official channels elicited a boilerplate denial, but that means nothing - CERN
spokesmen have attempted to hush up major incidents
(http://www.theregister.co.uk/2009/11/05/lhc_bread_bomb_dump_incident/) at the LHC before.

Events at the LHC since the early hours of this morning remain unclear. However it appears that the
Swiss government may have called in outside help. Online enthusiasts reported sightings of
unidentified soldiers in combat equipment on various CERN webcams, before all imagery was abruptly
replaced with stock footage showing routine scenes - in many cases with telltale evidence such as
apparently months-old newspapers or magazines, or clocks and watches showing times at variance with
reality.

Meanwhile unconfirmed reports have it that various elite special-forces units belonging to the
member nations of CERN have been despatched to Geneva. Elements of the British SAS are thought to
have arrived at CERN headquarters just hours ago, joining French GIGN and German GSG9 operatives at
the scene. It is thought that members of the elite Swiss police "Stern" tactical unit descended
into the underground complex housing the ATLAS experiment early this morning, and have not
returned.

One anonymous Reg informant - in a message originating from an IP address registered to CERN at
Geneva - has reported explosions, gunfire and screams coming from the access shafts leading down to
the ATLAS cavern 70 metres below ground level. Others have described heavy helicopter traffic at
the complex, the arrival of several unmarked military transport planes at the adjacent Geneva
airport in the early hours of this morning, and in one case "a blue vertical beam like a
searchlight" intermittently shining up from the ATLAS facility before cutting out.

British Ministry of Defence spokesmen this morning couldn't deny that UK elite troops are in
Switzerland fighting as part of an international taskforce to resist a hyperdimensional invasion.
However they refused to give any details.

"It is MoD policy that we never comment on Special Forces operations," said a spokesperson.

More reports are coming in on this story: we may or may not be able to publish them, as our legal
team are even now considering a message we've just received via the DA-Notice System
(http://www.dnotice.org.uk/). ®


2010-04-01 13:09:27 EST
On Apr 1, 8:19 am, "Eric Gisin" <er...@nospammail.net> wrote:
> http://www.theregister.co.uk/2010/04/01/lhc_fifth_dimension_incursion/
>
> DIMENSIONAL PORTAL INCURSION AT THE LHC!
> Elite troops confront 'response' to 7 TeV collisions
>
> By Lewis Page
> Posted in Physics, 1st April 2010 08:47 GMT
>
> In shock news, it has emerged that recent record-breaking increases in particle ring energy
> achieved at the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) - the most powerful atomsmasher ever assembled by the
> human race - have caused a hyperdimensional portal leading to an inhabited parallel universe to
> open up deep beneath Switzerland, in what may be the opening move of a cross-continuum invasion
> campaign.

...

> One anonymous Reg informant - in a message originating from an IP address registered to CERN at
> Geneva - has reported explosions, gunfire and screams coming from the access shafts leading down to
> the ATLAS cavern 70 metres below ground level. Others have described heavy helicopter traffic at
> the complex, the arrival of several unmarked military transport planes at the adjacent Geneva
> airport in the early hours of this morning, and in one case "a blue vertical beam like a
> searchlight" intermittently shining up from the ATLAS facility before cutting out.

Ohshit. Any reports of a blond woman with a large knife stalking the
streets of Geneva with frighteningly feline grace?


Dr. HotSalt

Bill Ghrist
2010-04-01 13:53:24 EST
Have a Happy April 1!

On 4/1/2010 11:19 AM, Eric Gisin wrote:
> http://www.theregister.co.uk/2010/04/01/lhc_fifth_dimension_incursion/
>
> DIMENSIONAL PORTAL INCURSION AT THE LHC!
> Elite troops confront 'response' to 7 TeV collisions
>
> By Lewis Page
> Posted in Physics, 1st April 2010 08:47 GMT
>
> In shock news, it has emerged that recent record-breaking increases in
> particle ring energy
> achieved at the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) - the most powerful
> atomsmasher ever assembled by the
> human race - have caused a hyperdimensional portal leading to an
> inhabited parallel universe to
> open up deep beneath Switzerland, in what may be the opening move of a
> cross-continuum invasion
> campaign.
>
> A secret international task force of special-forces troops is said to be
> assembling at the Collider
> to deal with a 'response' from the fifth dimension to a hyperdimensional
> energy discharge emitted
> from the LHC.
>
> [diagram]
> Imagery of the initial supersymmetry event passed to us by online
> enthusiasts.
>
> The opening of the dimensional gateway is being kept subject to a
> governmental news blackout to
> avoid a global panic. However, keen amateur LHC-watching enthusiasts,
> familiar with the many
> internal websites used to run and monitor the mighty Collider, stumbled
> across imagery last night
> confirming that a "supersymmetric" event had taken place following a
> particle collision inside the
> huge, subterranean ATLAS instrument cavern.
>
> Supersymmetry, in layman's terms, is a phenomenon called for by a theory
> in physics
> (http://www.sukidog.com/jpierre/strings/extradim.htm) which states that
> there are actually ten
> dimensions rather than the humdrum four of the space-time we can
> normally perceive. This has now
> been proven to be correct.
> According to the data accompanying the picture, one of the
> unprecedentedly powerful 7
> tera-electron-volt (TeV) collisions which began at the LHC just two days
> ago
> (http://www.theregister.co.uk/2010/03/30/7_tev_at_lhc/) generated a pair
> of supersymmetric
> particles which then broke down via muon decay. This caused a small 283
> giga-electron-volt energy
> discharge to be emitted transversely out of our four-dimensional
> spacetime and into the fifth
> dimension.
>
> So much had long been expected by physicists. Sergio Bertolucci,
> Director for Research and
> Scientific Computing at CERN, told the Reg last year
> (http://www.theregister.co.uk/2009/11/06/lhc_dimensional_portals/) that
> he anticipated the opening
> of hyperdimensional "doors" during high-energy LHC collisions.
>
> "Out of this door might come something, or we might send something
> through it," said the physicist,
> on that occasion.
>
> Bertolucci expected that such doors would be sub-subatomic in size, and
> only exist for ultra-tiny
> instants of time - 10-26 seconds - in line with the data passed to us by
> the LHC-watchers.
>
> Excited by the supersymmetry tipoff, we here on the Reg hyperboffinry
> desk contacted a high-level
> insider source at CERN in Switzerland regarding the event - and found we
> didn't know the half of
> it.
>
> Blue glowing ball 'must be a response' from the FIFTH DIMENSION
>
> According to our contact, approximately 3 and a half minutes after the
> tiny and incredibly brief
> supersymmetry event in the ATLAS instrument, a much larger and
> apparently stable transdimensional
> "door" flowered into existence within the ATLAS cavern, suspended
> mid-air slightly to one side of
> the Collider's magnets and the ATLAS itself. The portal, described
> initially as a "glowing, bluish,
> spherical object about 2 metres in diameter", was spotted on CCTV by
> ATLAS boffins - no personnel
> are allowed in the cavern during beam operations for radiation safety
> reasons.
>
> "There's no way that the LHC could have generated such a large 'door',
> or sustained it so long,"
> our source wrote in a hasty email early this morning.
>
> "There's no technology we know of that could do that, and even if there
> was the entire human race
> doesn't have access to enough energy to power it."
>
> "We think it must be a response to the supersymmetric energy discharge
> from our side," he added,
> enigmatically.
>
> We followed up with more questions, but haven't received any further
> response as of publication.
> Enquiries through official channels elicited a boilerplate denial, but
> that means nothing - CERN
> spokesmen have attempted to hush up major incidents
> (http://www.theregister.co.uk/2009/11/05/lhc_bread_bomb_dump_incident/)
> at the LHC before.
>
> Events at the LHC since the early hours of this morning remain unclear.
> However it appears that the
> Swiss government may have called in outside help. Online enthusiasts
> reported sightings of
> unidentified soldiers in combat equipment on various CERN webcams,
> before all imagery was abruptly
> replaced with stock footage showing routine scenes - in many cases with
> telltale evidence such as
> apparently months-old newspapers or magazines, or clocks and watches
> showing times at variance with
> reality.
>
> Meanwhile unconfirmed reports have it that various elite special-forces
> units belonging to the
> member nations of CERN have been despatched to Geneva. Elements of the
> British SAS are thought to
> have arrived at CERN headquarters just hours ago, joining French GIGN
> and German GSG9 operatives at
> the scene. It is thought that members of the elite Swiss police "Stern"
> tactical unit descended
> into the underground complex housing the ATLAS experiment early this
> morning, and have not
> returned.
>
> One anonymous Reg informant - in a message originating from an IP
> address registered to CERN at
> Geneva - has reported explosions, gunfire and screams coming from the
> access shafts leading down to
> the ATLAS cavern 70 metres below ground level. Others have described
> heavy helicopter traffic at
> the complex, the arrival of several unmarked military transport planes
> at the adjacent Geneva
> airport in the early hours of this morning, and in one case "a blue
> vertical beam like a
> searchlight" intermittently shining up from the ATLAS facility before
> cutting out.
>
> British Ministry of Defence spokesmen this morning couldn't deny that UK
> elite troops are in
> Switzerland fighting as part of an international taskforce to resist a
> hyperdimensional invasion.
> However they refused to give any details.
>
> "It is MoD policy that we never comment on Special Forces operations,"
> said a spokesperson.
>
> More reports are coming in on this story: we may or may not be able to
> publish them, as our legal
> team are even now considering a message we've just received via the
> DA-Notice System
> (http://www.dnotice.org.uk/). ®
>


Lots42
2010-04-01 17:36:47 EST
On Apr 1, 1:09 pm, "n...@bid.nes" <alien8...@gmail.com> wrote:
> On Apr 1, 8:19 am, "Eric Gisin" <er...@nospammail.net> wrote:
>
> >http://www.theregister.co.uk/2010/04/01/lhc_fifth_dimension_incursion/
>
> > DIMENSIONAL PORTAL INCURSION AT THE LHC!
> > Elite troops confront 'response' to 7 TeV collisions
>
> > By Lewis Page
> > Posted in Physics, 1st April 2010 08:47 GMT
>
> > In shock news, it has emerged that recent record-breaking increases in particle ring energy
> > achieved at the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) - the most powerful atomsmasher ever assembled by the
> > human race - have caused a hyperdimensional portal leading to an inhabited parallel universe to
> > open up deep beneath Switzerland, in what may be the opening move of a cross-continuum invasion
> > campaign.
>
> ...
>
> > One anonymous Reg informant - in a message originating from an IP address registered to CERN at
> > Geneva - has reported explosions, gunfire and screams coming from the access shafts leading down to
> > the ATLAS cavern 70 metres below ground level. Others have described heavy helicopter traffic at
> > the complex, the arrival of several unmarked military transport planes at the adjacent Geneva
> > airport in the early hours of this morning, and in one case "a blue vertical beam like a
> > searchlight" intermittently shining up from the ATLAS facility before cutting out.
>
>   Ohshit. Any reports of a blond woman with a large knife stalking the
> streets of Geneva with frighteningly feline grace?
>
>   Dr. HotSalt

If there are, take pictures.

MMMM....

Hagar
2010-04-02 11:03:21 EST
This just in. The LHC particle beam has exceeded the SOL !!!
Scientists are dazzled, since Alfred Onestone said it just couldn't
be done ... but I digress. One of the smashed atoms deteriorated
with such violence, that one of its sub-particles, a Quark, escaped
from its confinement and careened out of the building, totally out
of control. Unfortunately, it ended its brief journey when it
collided with a nearby goat humper, one Charley De Bohnehead,
who was looking for potentially new ovine molestation victims.
The poor guy never knew what hit him. Scientists have not yet
identified the nature of the Quark, but hopes are that it is of the
"strange" variety, which would match ChuckWeasel's personality.
On the other hand, should it turn out to be a "bottom" Quark, then
ChuckWeasel will be forever someone else's bitch.

Here are the disastrous results:

http://docs.google.com/View?id=dgfwg98t_179dc5495wb

In a guesture of humanitarianism, investors in the horrible machine
want their money back and invest it in a "Goat Humper Rehab"
facility, to prevent further life changing accidents in the future.



Dr Ivan D. Reid
2010-04-02 13:32:49 EST
On Thu, 1 Apr 2010 14:36:47 -0700 (PDT), Lots42 <lots42@gmail.com>
wrote in <e1df2d0a-d565-4567-af10-45c721680bbe@g28g2000yqh.googlegroups.com>:
> On Apr 1, 1:09 pm, "n...@bid.nes" <alien8...@gmail.com> wrote:

>>   Ohshit. Any reports of a blond woman with a large knife stalking the
>> streets of Geneva with frighteningly feline grace?

> If there are, take pictures.

These days I carry a videocam in my backpack, so if anything happens
on my next trip to CERN...

> MMMM....

...you'll get first look.

--
Ivan Reid, School of Engineering & Design, _____________ CMS Collaboration,
Brunel University. Ivan.Reid@[brunel.ac.uk|cern.ch] Room 40-1-B12, CERN
KotPT -- "for stupidity above and beyond the call of duty".

Otto Bahn
2010-04-02 13:49:18 EST
"Dr Ivan D. Reid" <Ivan.Reid@brunel.ac.uk> wrote

>>> Ohshit. Any reports of a blond woman with a large knife stalking the
>>> streets of Geneva with frighteningly feline grace?
>
>> If there are, take pictures.
>
> These days I carry a videocam in my backpack, so if anything happens
> on my next trip to CERN...
>
>> MMMM....
>
> ...you'll get first look.

Careful! If you film with your eyes closed, you might fall into
the gaping maw.

--oTTo--

Anyone ever seen a maw that didn't gape?



Dr Ivan D. Reid
2010-04-03 05:05:55 EST
On Fri, 2 Apr 2010 13:49:18 -0400, Otto Bahn <Ladybrrane@GroinToHell.com>
wrote in <hp5amu$hfo$1@gargoyle.oit.duke.edu>:
> "Dr Ivan D. Reid" <Ivan.Reid@brunel.ac.uk> wrote

>>>> Ohshit. Any reports of a blond woman with a large knife stalking the
>>>> streets of Geneva with frighteningly feline grace?

>>> If there are, take pictures.

>> These days I carry a videocam in my backpack, so if anything happens
>> on my next trip to CERN...

>>> MMMM....

>> ...you'll get first look.

> Careful! If you film with your eyes closed, you might fall into
> the gaping maw.

> --oTTo--

> Anyone ever seen a maw that didn't gape?

# Maw, he's makin' eyes at me...

--
Ivan Reid, School of Engineering & Design, _____________ CMS Collaboration,
Brunel University. Ivan.Reid@[brunel.ac.uk|cern.ch] Room 40-1-B12, CERN
KotPT -- "for stupidity above and beyond the call of duty".
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